Thinking Makes it So: Ch 6

Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
        --Voltaire

     On that night, under those cold and unblinking stars, I truly understood desperation. Adanna and the twins believed that happiness was enough – but as I stood before them, listening to them beg me to stay, I knew that it wasn’t. There’s more to life than seeking pleasure. A person has to have something to live for. Now, the only thing I had been seeking – the truth – was gone, and the rest of the world was nothing more than a barren illusion to me. Desperation is more than hunger or the possibility of loss – it’s what happens when we scramble for one last ledge to cling to before falling into the pit of meaninglessness. I, too, was scrambling for a ledge – an unlikely and improbable hope, but the only one left to me.
     I walked through the night, a thing I had not done before. In the previous days I had been afraid of animals and of getting lost; now, though, I only felt anger and frustration. Soon that changed to resentfulness, which became self-pity, which eventually faded altogether and left me with a dull emptiness in the pit of my stomach. The grasslands no longer seemed beautiful to me – they appeared as flat and empty as anything in Algizem.
     When I had calmed down a bit, I checked my map. I had to be sure of where I was going. Sitting down on a rock, I tried to read it, but it was too dark. Unwilling to be beaten, I squinted and contorted my face to try and get a better look at the shapes and words there, but it was of no use. The moon was a waning crescent at the time, and there was little light to see by.
     At last, I gave up. Now that the emotion had left me, I felt weary and drained. I half-heartedly pulled out the sleeping mat, pausing to wonder if something that didn’t exist made a difference. In the end I decided that I might as well sleep comfortably as not, even if it made no objective difference. Stretching out, I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes, but sleep evaded me for a while. My thoughts were turbulent and troubled no matter how I tried to calm myself. Eventually my weariness won out, though, and I fell asleep.

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     I woke up some time in the early morning. I felt refreshed and clear-headed, and for a moment I really considered turning around and going back to Kalitona. It was no use, though – although that driving rage that had fueled my determination was gone, I knew that I could not turn around now. I still had to search for that last ray of hope.
     Rolling the mat up and stowing it, I grabbed some food, noting that I was running low. I had not taken the time to restock in Kalitona, and I would have to be careful with how I used it. As I ate, I looked over the map. Sure enough, if I headed west long enough, I would reach the wall again. It was a good thing for me that it circled all of Algizem – if I had to walk back to the place where I had awoken, it would take too long and I would run out of food.
     Here, though, I was close enough to the western edge of the land to reach it in considerably less time, maybe a day. Better yet, there was another town on the way there, very close to the wall. The map labeled it as “Anithelus.” I could stop there for a night so that I could try my idea with full strength. I knew that there was even a chance that I would discover something useful there – information or a tool, perhaps. Anything would be useful, for my idea was a daring one, and it could be risky. I was going to try and get over the wall – and out of Algizem.
     Rolling up the map and stowing it, I resumed my journey. The plains were as featureless as ever, and I resented the fact that I was walking again. I had hoped to be done with long journeys after Mount Kenshin. Life doesn’t seem to work that way, though.
     The river I had followed on my trip to the mountain was gone now, and I had to rely on the water I was carrying. I kept a watchful eye on the amount I was holding, not wanting to run out. Fortunately, though, it seemed I was carrying enough for a few days if I didn’t squander it.
     As I traveled, I wondered what Daichi was doing. Had he given up on me, assuming that I was nothing of interest to him or that I was a lost cause? Perhaps he hadn’t given up, but was waiting for me to cool down so that he could speak rationally to me. I suspected the latter, but I doubted that his efforts would be any use – I had made up my mind, and he would not convince me of anything at this point. I was unwilling to listen to him any longer. All the same, though, I missed his advice as I went and was sometimes disappointed when I turned around to find no one there.
     After nearly a full day of walking, I spotted Anithelus sometime in the late afternoon. I quickened my pace just a bit, ready to stop and rest for the evening. I could resume my journey in the morning. As I approached the town, I realized that it was not a town at all. The buildings were too large and too numerous. Anithelus was a city. Unlike Kalitona, it was not full of wooden buildings and dirt roads. Instead, it was dominated by stone structures and intriguing architecture. As I got closer, I could tell that the streets were paved and were frequented not only by crowds of people, but by horse-drawn carriages as well.
     I entered the city, looking at my new surroundings in wonder. Regardless of whether it was real, it certainly was different from anything I had seen in Algizem so far. Men and women swarmed everywhere like bees, headed for their individual destinations. They were all so busy and distant from each other, not like in Kalitona where everyone knew everyone. The contrast was striking. As a horse-drawn cart went by, I wondered if the horses were capable of speech. I listened closely every time one passed, but the animals seemed thoroughly mute. I figured that they were not close enough to humans for that.
     As the sun sank lower, I realized that my priority should be to find an inn – though I didn’t know if they would require payment. I had no money, and I hoped that I could offer some kind of work or service instead. I kept my eyes open for one as I went, but I didn’t see any place that looked like an inn. The city was confusing and complex so I decided to ask for help rather than get lost.
     I wandered into a large, ornate building, hoping to find someone who wasn’t so busy inside. I found myself in a spacious room lit by torches and candles. The ceiling was high and impressive, giving the place the feel of a cave or perhaps a palace. The walls were lined with thick, wooden structures – bookcases, I realized. In fact, the room was filled with bookcases. The center of the building was filled with rows and rows of them. Every shelf was crammed with books. As I looked around, I heard the sound of frustrated muttering emanating from behind a nearby bookcase. Curious, I followed the sound into the aisle of bookcases, and found myself confronted with the strangest thing I had seen yet. A small, whitish monkey was looking through a pile of books, placing a few of them on the shelves as it reached them. It grumbled unhappily until it heard my footsteps behind at, at which point it turned around to look at me.
     “You a customer?” It – or he, as I could tell from his voice – asked curtly, apparently not entirely thrilled by the disturbance.
     “No, actually, I just wanted to know where I might find an inn.”
     “Oh,” he said, apparently even more unhappy. “Well, you’re talking to the wrong guy. I wouldn’t know that. Now go find a book or get out.”
     “Come on,” I pleaded. “Do you own this store? Is there someone else here?”
     “Why ever would you think that?” said another voice. I turned to see a middle-aged man staring at me with curiosity. He scratched his graying beard thoughtfully as he gazed at me. “Wouldn’t it be odd for a monkey like Arun to own a library?”
     “A library?” I repeated. It made sense. What else would a place like this be? I was about to ask about an inn when I realized that I wonderful opportunity had just presented itself. “Excuse me – do you have any books about the wall around Algizem?”
     “Why would you want those?” He asked, tilting his head. “By the way, would you mind calling me Solon?”
     “Okay, then… I need them so that I…” I paused to think up an excuse; I wasn’t sure if the idea of trying to escape from Algizem would fly with this odd man. “I touched the mirror not long ago, and I wanted to understand more about the world so that I can use magic. I figured that the wall was a good place to start.” That would do for now.
      The man didn’t respond, though – he merely continued to stare at me, mute.
     “Well, do you have any?” I asked, a little irritated.
     “Yes, but will I let you see them?”
      “I would appreciate it if you would.” Once again, the man did not say anything; he continued to gaze at me. “Well?”
     “Well what?”
     “I would like to see some books about the wall.” Again, he did not answer. I’m sure that my eye twitched.  “What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you respond?”
     “Do you see a pattern in our conversation?”
     I stopped and thought about it. It only took a moment before I figured it out, though. “You only speak in questions – and you only respond to questions. Is that right?”
     “How did you guess?”
     “Never mind that! Will you please show me those books?”
     “Are you sure you are worthy of it? Are you aware that the knowledge you seek is better off only in the hands of the wise?”
     “I’m sure!” I protested. Realizing my mistake, I quickly added, “Does it really matter? Can’t you just trust me when I tell you that I need to know about the wall?”
     “Shall we make a deal?” Solon asked, his eyes glinting mischievously. “How about we both converse in questions for a bit? Would it please you if we played a game? What if whoever makes a statement first loses – and if I lose, I’ll show you any book you want?”
     “Why not?”
     “However, would it not worry you that if you lose, you have to do Arun’s job and alphabetize those books?” He gestured at the stack.
     “Why should it?” I asked, getting into the rhythm. “Does it surprise you that I’m agreeing?”
     “Say, where are you from?”
     “Have you heard of a place called Kalitona?”
     “Why would a man who owns a library not know his geography?”
     “Then you recall that it is the village by the river?”
     “Yes, is that where you come from?”
     “No, it’s not. I—” I stopped, realizing my mistake. Arun fell to the ground, howling with laughter.
     “He lost!” the monkey screeched. “After only three volleys! Oh, it’s too much! That was pathetic! Worst ever!” He continued to laugh maniacally.
     “Are you disappointed?” Solon asked. “Regardless, would you get started on those books?”
     I grumbled an irritated assent and moved over to the pile of books. How had he done that? It was harder than it looked. Statements were almost automatic to me. Regardless, he had won. In retrospect, I didn’t need the information that badly – I could have just improvised when I got to the wall. It was nothing more than a reckless choice, and that irritated me. I got to work on the literature, glancing at titles and putting them in order by letter. They all had titles that started with “M,” so I did most of my sorting by the second and third letters rather than the first. It was tedious work, perhaps worse than walking. About ten minutes in, however, I found something that made it worthwhile.
     It was a book titled, “the Metaphysics of Algizem.” I had no idea what metaphysics was, but the cover attracted my attention. It featured a beautifully painted image of – what else? – the wall. It was even more mysterious than I remembered here – all the greens and blues were wonderfully pronounced, and the graceful curves of the flames had been given great detail. The view seemed to stare straight up the wall’s surface and into the dark, empty sky.
     Curious, I opened it and glanced at the introduction, which said something like this:

     “There are few greater mysteries than the workings of the world. Algizem is a strange land even by its own standards, and anyone who has touched the Great Mirror will know how much more mysterious it is to the realms beyond it. A world in the mind of another being – it seems almost impossible, but is nevertheless clear. The outside world, the land of the gods, does not obey the laws of Unity and is not bounded by the wall.
     If Algizem is based in the mind, then surely we must try to understand how this fact shapes and defines our lives and perspectives. Besides, there are mysteries in Algizem that even the knowledge of the gods does not have an answer to. How, for example, has Algizem survived for centuries if its host is mortal? Was it created consciously or was it chance?
     There is no end to the legends that have sought to explain these odd truths. The myths of the Grand Renewals and the Army of Thanatos are especially intriguing. This book attempts to delve into those myths and mysteries and at least expose what we don’t know – for true wisdom always lies in understanding our shortcomings rather than disguising them with knowledge.

     I flipped through it, looking for more relevant information, and at last I found a section on the wall. Just my luck, though – there was nothing really useful. The book went on and on about how little anyone actually knew about the wall, and in the end the only interesting piece of information I had discovered was that the wall was impervious to magic but not to physical force.
     “So you found it, then?” I turned around – it was Solon.
     “Yeah, no thanks to you.”
     “Don’t you see that it was thanks to me? Isn’t it clear that I set it up so that you would find the book whether you won or lost?”
     “Then why didn’t you just tell me instead of making me play your question games?” I demanded, not sure whether to be grateful or furious.
     “Isn’t it obvious? Wisdom is never found in clear answers – truly wise people look to the questions they ask for wisdom rather than the answers they receive, and the best questions are those that go unanswered.”
      “Hey!” Cried Arun, who was sitting on a bookcase. “You just made a statement!”
     “Oh, did I? What a pity! How long was that?” Solon asked the monkey.
     “Six days and eleven hours – a new record,” Arun sighed, apparently not very enthusiastic. “Though I don’t know why you care – it’s not much of a hobby.”
     “Oh well,” Solon said, shrugging. “It was getting tiresome, anyway. Do you need that book any longer?”
     “No,” I said, somewhat happier to be able to converse with him normally. “I’ll put it back where it should go.”
     “Don’t worry about that – Arun will handle the rest of the organizing, since you’ve found what you were looking for.”
     “What!”
     “Don’t complain,” Solon told him sharply. “Remember who feeds you every day, and where you’re sleeping tonight.” Arun sighed and returned to work, displeased. “As for you,” he said, turning to me, “you are obviously not from here, as you told me. You may stay here for the night, if you wish – I will provide you with a room and food. I never did get your name, by the way.”
     “I’m Elek.” I shook his hand. “Hey, I noticed something while I was reading that book – it mentioned something about a myth or two – a renewal, and Thanatos. I don’t know much about Algizem yet, so you might understand why I’ve never heard of those.”
     “Ah, the many myths of the land,” he sighed. “They are a wonderful subject. Well, the Great Renewal is a story that is told to explain the phenomenon of Algizem’s longevity. Considering its age, it should have outlived its god and been destroyed, but it has been here for centuries. It claims that every time a mythical figure named Thanatos comes to destroy the world, he is driven out and the land is reborn for another lifetime.
     “This is impossible, however,” he said, sounding very knowledgeable. “Those who are as old as me would know that time does not flow the same in Algizem as it does in the realm of the gods. Alexius does not age at the rate we age at. A year to us is not a year to him. This is the only reason for the phenomenon of our impossible history. Nothing more. Besides, if the Thanatos of myth existed, he would be an unstoppable force (according to the legend), and thus the story contradicts itself.”
     “Do you know anything else about the wall, anything not in this book?” I asked hopefully.
     Solon shook his head. “Nothing, I’m afraid. Of all the things in Algizem, we know the least about that. Now, then, feel free to browse this library until dinner, and then you may stay the night here, as I said before. I must tend to some misplaced books, but I will let you know when food is ready.” He moved off into another part of the library and was gone.
     I wandered for a bit, walking back and forth between aisles, looking for nothing in particular. As I wandered, I remembered the gem on my wrist and I had an idea. Even if there was a chance I wasn’t coming back, it would be a good idea to be prepared. Bending down, I put my index and middle fingers on the library floor. I lifted them off the ground and placed them on the corestone.
     “Anithelus,” I murmured. The stone glowed red for a moment; red light flowed to the floor like liquid and formed a circle shape. Seven red streaks crossed inward to the center and began to swirl there; then the whole shape receded into the carpet and vanished. The corestone’s glow faded. It was done – I had bound it to this spot.
     I stood up again and resumed pacing the library, waiting for dinner – and for the end of the day. There was nothing to look forward to but the coming dawn.

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                                                      To be Continued